in my head i’m a tall brunette with C cup boobs

( clearly I don’t look in the mirror very often ).

mom to the dopest kids ever made.

crunchy corn dogs with mustard make me happy.

when I grow up I want to be a hippie farmer.

i cant wear underwear to bed it feels like i’m suffocating

i pick out the hottest girl in my work out class and secretly compete with her ( i always win ).

i write lists everywhere, i rarely actually look at them

my happy place is beverly hot springs with my girls

( you know who you are ).

i sometimes lie but only to make other people feel better, so i don’t think it counts.

kill them with kindness but if that doesn't work i have a few other tricks up my sleeve.... 

i love my life and when i don’t, i eat chips and salsa to make it better.